Here I go again, waiting for him to call, feeling disappointed when he doesn’t. 

The routine is always like this. He disappears for until I’m so used to it I don’t mind keeping track anymore. Then he shows up, and stirs up my gut the following days for not calling. 

Sounds like he’s keeping me as a second plan huh. Someone to make him feel validated when he needs validation. 

But why does it feel more like he’s occasionally checking up on me, to make sure I’m still fine? Perhaps my heart is playing tricks on my mind. But if I genuinely love him, just for who he is and not for how he makes me feel, then does this even matter anymore? No matter what he thinks of me, no matter how I’m treated, if I love him unconditionally all won’t have bothered me so much. 

There are times when it just feels utterly tiring to mind how people regard me. They can look down on me, so what? Doesn’t mean I can change that or that I want to. Society expects you to keep a good image of yourself. I only want to stay true to my heart. 

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