Upon entering a challenging turn in life, I’d usually hear this question: “Are you scared?” My answer is usually a “No”. Not because I’m fearless, actually I always think I’m among the most uncouragous of all, but because I didn’t feel anything. Somewhere in my head, I believe that if I was indifferent enough, all those unwanted thoughts will drift by unnoticed.
But then somewhere along the way, I realized I was being disconnected from myself. I didn’t know how I felt anymore, only how I should feel. I didn’t do what I wanted to do, only what I should do in order to achieve some goal that I had set for myself beforehand.
“What’s the point?” My definition of happiness involves doing things that I enjoy. But then I wasn’t. Should I do now things that I don’t want to, in order to be able to do what I actually want to do in the future? But what exactly do I want? in the future. Who exactly do I want to become?
Life has been hard lately. Suffocating in stress, I thought to myself: “Living is so difficult.” But I also know no matter what, the only option I have is to move on. “Are you scared?” Now that you’ve mentioned it, yes I freaking do! Nevertheless, scared or not, I will do it anyway.
Cause the only way is forward. Life is a game with no button for pause, or rewind, or fastforward, only on and on in an unforgiving steady pace. You can’t even quit. Right from birth you were forced to enter this game. The only way out, is through it.